Peer Review for Payton Leahy

In the second peer review, I will be going over the standard college essay of Payton Leahy , titled, "Rhetorical Investigation into Physiological Genres" and the activity that I chose to use to edit is the form recommendation.

Recommendation for Form (how to edit the format of the genre and editing the genre                  
                                                 conventions)

• how effectively the “Rough Cut” uses appropriate genre conventions

The rough cut looks like a well-written standard college essay. It appears to be really organized with the correct MLA format, the title, heading, and the double spacing. The parenthesis for the citations also show that the form is well thought out and planned for this specific genre. The conventions do seem to be met, but the "works cited" page does need to be completed and cited correctly.  

• how creatively the “Rough Cut” presents the content while working within appropriate genre conventions

The paragraphs are easy to understand and follow however, I think that they could use more detail and examples for the audience to better understand. However, the short paragraphs are nice and easy to read which makes the flow of the essay go well. But I would make sure to focus on expanding on your ideas and your contextual elements. But the genre conventions have a good base for the rest of your editing.  

• ideas or suggestions about creative ways  genre conventions could be used in the next draft of the project

 Even though you already made a note that your title would be changed, I think that that is going to be a big change in your essay and how the audience connects to the essay. Without a strong title and thesis statement, I think that the rest of the essay won't really matter as much. The beginning of the essay should be extra good so that the rest of the essay will keep the audience interested. I might include a little bit on what you want to do in the field of physio and why you think all of the writing that is done is interesting to you. Right now, your essay is more just facts and facts and I think that it would be beneficial if you included your thoughts and emotions a bit more.

**I hope I helped Payton understand what she can improve on and what she did well on for her standard college essay. The content of the essay was all there but I think that there could definitely be more ideas added to each paragraph. For giving feedback based on the Student Guide readings, I suggest that you go more into the contextual elements of your essay so that the genre is better understood by the audience.

What I admire most about your work is that you effectively used the MLA format and it looked really well organized!